Sheepstrology

If there is one thing I absolutely loathe on Twitter, it’s people “retweeting” (aka as an “RT”) tweets referring to their zodiac sign … from daily predictions to personality traits. I don’t know what this is supposed to accomplish — I mean, I like astrology, I think it’s fun — but this shit drives me insane.

I know what set me off this time … it was a friend RTing a “Sexstrology” tweet. Here it is:

“Can change their voice and appearance very easily.” Like talk lower and put on a fake mustache? Like dye their hair and talk like Mickey Mouse? LIKE CHANGE THEIR CLOTHES OR WEAR A CAPE OR PUT ON GLASSES? Who COULDN’T do any of these with relative ease?

I just couldn’t let this one go.

It started off innocently enough …

… and then, of course, it snowballed.

So, here’s your official Sheepstrology. They’re not really in any order, and are broken up to avoid responses and tweets that weren’t Sheepstrology. And again, read from the bottom to the top of each section, cause that’s how the timeline order goes.

Round 2:

Round 3:

Round 5:

Round 6:

And lastly, as always:

(And yes, I realize I’m the world’s laziest blogger by posting these … but after the Ask Romney post, I have people asking me to do it. Maybe this will require a new category … )

Ask Romney

Sometimes, I don’t know what gets into me.

It started off innocently enough. I saw people tweeting with the #AskRomney hashtag on the Twitters and decided to ask one or two of my own. Chance had asked a question and referenced “Mad Max III: Beyond Thunderdome”, so naturally I had to jump in. (Now, if you’re not used to Twitter, the first comment is actually at the bottom, because it’s a timeline, and I’m entirely too lazy to try and crop the images and arrange them in chronological order.)

Then after that, I don’t know what happened. The questions just started flowing. I was fixing a computer, and the oddest thoughts just started pouring out.

This section, you’ll probably want to read from the bottom up.

And so it went.

 

And so on …

And lastly …

Sadly, they would have kept going had we not experienced a rash of server issues that distracted me and totally ruined my mojo. Stupid work.

I’m taking this as a sign that my creativity needs an outlet. Maybe I’ll get back to writing more than once per bazillion years.

(And again, thanks to all the people who tweeted at me that they were laughing really hard about my questions … that totally fueled me. Appreciate it!)

Just venting

So, today I was greeted by yet another installment of “processed food is gross” videos and pictures on Facebook. Months ago, I had to endure all the McRib bashing the videos on how gross McRibs are and how they’re made from the worst parts of the pig (which is basically the same shit that hipster tacos are made from, but the tacos are exotic!). And you know, I was content to let it slide, because hey, whatever. But now, now we’re on to the something else. Here’s the pic in question:

If you don’t know already, this is what McNuggets look like before they are actually made. In the description, the original poster writes about how many chemicals are added, the process in which this is created, and blah blah blah. In the comment field are the normal “I’M NEVER EATING THAT AGAIN! SO GROSS!” and “OMG, SO NASTY.”

Of course, this “NEVER EATING THAT AGAIN!” only lasts until it’s inconvenient to eat elsewhere, and then they’re back in line, getting that 20-piece of McNuggets because it’s on sale for $5 and the picture of Nugget goo has mysteriously faded from the person’s mind.

Look, I just don’t get the flat-out shock about stuff like this. Has anyone ever seen a McNugget in the wild? No. If you check out the butcher’s pic of a chicken, do you see an area labeled “Nuggets”? No. Then it’s safe to assume that it is made in a factory. And since it’s made in a factory, it’s safe to assume that it is doused with chemicals that have been deemed safe for consumption. Where’s the shock?

I mean, really, who has ever eaten a Swanson’s TV dinner and thought the veal was real? Or who the fuck has picked a goddam Crunchberry in the wild? Your Fruit Roll ups? Yeah, doubt that it was ever “real fruit.” That diet Coke you just had? Those Doritos? How about that popcorn? And yes, I think it’s safe to assume that most of us know that this chemically doused/manufactured food isn’t good for us. So again, how is this even news to anyone? Spend a few seconds thinking about this, and it’s pretty obvious that all of your food is probably not all it’s cracked up to be.

If you’re really *that* concerned about what you’re eating, here’s what I recommend that you do: Grow your own food. Period. Because even you folks that buy organic probably wouldn’t be too pleased if you saw how it was handled, and what is allowed to happen to it en route to the store where you buy it from.

In the meantime, please, just stop this nonsense. This shit is just food propaganda — “You should be a vegetarian because how these other foods are made is just gross!” Last time I checked, people are allowed to choose what they want to eat, when, and how much. And before you start, yes, I do know our country does have an obesity problem. But I’d much rather have too much food readily available than not enough any day of the week. Secondly, no one is forcing you to eat it. You know why processed food like this is popular? It’s easy and tastes good. Period. If it tasted like crap, very few people would eat it.

Now, if I only I could get a picture of a migrant worker picking his ass before he picks some organic produce to paste on Facebook …