Just venting

So, today I was greeted by yet another installment of “processed food is gross” videos and pictures on Facebook. Months ago, I had to endure all the McRib bashing the videos on how gross McRibs are and how they’re made from the worst parts of the pig (which is basically the same shit that hipster tacos are made from, but the tacos are exotic!). And you know, I was content to let it slide, because hey, whatever. But now, now we’re on to the something else. Here’s the pic in question:

If you don’t know already, this is what McNuggets look like before they are actually made. In the description, the original poster writes about how many chemicals are added, the process in which this is created, and blah blah blah. In the comment field are the normal “I’M NEVER EATING THAT AGAIN! SO GROSS!” and “OMG, SO NASTY.”

Of course, this “NEVER EATING THAT AGAIN!” only lasts until it’s inconvenient to eat elsewhere, and then they’re back in line, getting that 20-piece of McNuggets because it’s on sale for $5 and the picture of Nugget goo has mysteriously faded from the person’s mind.

Look, I just don’t get the flat-out shock about stuff like this. Has anyone ever seen a McNugget in the wild? No. If you check out the butcher’s pic of a chicken, do you see an area labeled “Nuggets”? No. Then it’s safe to assume that it is made in a factory. And since it’s made in a factory, it’s safe to assume that it is doused with chemicals that have been deemed safe for consumption. Where’s the shock?

I mean, really, who has ever eaten a Swanson’s TV dinner and thought the veal was real? Or who the fuck has picked a goddam Crunchberry in the wild? Your Fruit Roll ups? Yeah, doubt that it was ever “real fruit.” That diet Coke you just had? Those Doritos? How about that popcorn? And yes, I think it’s safe to assume that most of us know that this chemically doused/manufactured food isn’t good for us. So again, how is this even news to anyone? Spend a few seconds thinking about this, and it’s pretty obvious that all of your food is probably not all it’s cracked up to be.

If you’re really *that* concerned about what you’re eating, here’s what I recommend that you do: Grow your own food. Period. Because even you folks that buy organic probably wouldn’t be too pleased if you saw how it was handled, and what is allowed to happen to it en route to the store where you buy it from.

In the meantime, please, just stop this nonsense. This shit is just food propaganda — “You should be a vegetarian because how these other foods are made is just gross!” Last time I checked, people are allowed to choose what they want to eat, when, and how much. And before you start, yes, I do know our country does have an obesity problem. But I’d much rather have too much food readily available than not enough any day of the week. Secondly, no one is forcing you to eat it. You know why processed food like this is popular? It’s easy and tastes good. Period. If it tasted like crap, very few people would eat it.

Now, if I only I could get a picture of a migrant worker picking his ass before he picks some organic produce to paste on Facebook …

Unikornz

A lot of people probably don’t know this — but I do, in fact, like to help out my fellow human beings when I get a chance.

So, when a friend of mine told me she needed a new computer, I offered to build her one.

Now, I enjoy doing things like this, mainly because I frickin’ hate the retail computers. They just load them up with crap software, and Lord knows I hate crap software. I mean, you already have enough that comes with your operating system (assuming you’re not going with some Linux build) … you don’t need more that essentially does what your machine already has software to do. If you want something different, you can add it on later. But the programs they put on these things … they are maddening, useless, and really, most people don’t even want all that extra shit on their machines anyhow.

She gave me a budget, and I worked with what we had. I would inform her about sales from NewEgg, and she would buy the pieces as she could. In the end, I put together a spiffy little i5 with 8g of RAM and a 1T drive. Loaded MS Office Pro (her request) on to it, some solid (free and good) antivirus programs, and bam, she was good to go.

What she didn’t expect was the desktop that I chose for her.

The DM I got from her on Twitter simply stated: “Thank you very much for the desktop. I fucking love unicorns.”

OK, so maybe I’m not the nicest guy in the world after all.

I can accept that.

I am, however, still laughing.

So proud

If there’s one thing in this world I know I can count on, it’s my family’s oddness. Now, this doesn’t manifest itself in any kind of dire ways, like random fires or drastic, angry arguments. But, let’s just say that when I get bored, I get creative, and the next thing you know, the rest of the family has followed suit.

This year’s shenanigans started with some toy my nephew got that involves a giant ship and a shark whose mouth opens when you press his dorsal fin. My oldest nephew and sister started helping him put it together, and as always, interest lasted about 10 minutes before he was bored and doing something else.

That meant is was time for the adults to play.

As I was getting the first shot, my nephew saw that I was up to no good. He looked over and said, “Hey, are you taking pictures of the shark?”

“Uhhhh, maybe.” *click* “HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

So, after the picture was shared and laughs went around, my sister got a look in her eye, and more pictures were taken…

The oldest nephew was a little bit horrified at watching his mom and I revert to being kids again. But he was also horrified that the shark mauled the tuba player, as he plays sax for Pitt’s marching band. My sister’s comment: “Oh relax — the saxophone player lived.”

The next thing you know, Nephew No. 1 had the shark and had it eating the Virgin Mary in the stable. My mom disapproved, so it ended up on top of an angel.

Then, to my surprise, Nephew No. 4 got into the act. He wasn’t as creative in his use of the shark, but he’s young … he has potential.

Then, as the night went on and the youngest 2 nephews started battling over toys, I was left alone with the shark. Since Nephew No. 4 kept getting a little whiney and saying “NO!”, I had the shark also say “No” in accordance to the conversation. Of course, I was using the voice of the Emperor from the scene where Mace Windu was about to kill him, and then he zaps the shit out of Mace and wins the day. The voice and the shark went together surprisingly well.

Eventually, I went full-blown weird, and told my sister that the shark wanted to eat the Messiah, because he heard that the Savior was tender and mild.

In the end, dinner was good, there was a lot of laughing and only mild blaspheming … so that’s probably as close to the true meaning of Christmas that my family will ever reach.

So, Merry Christmas to you and yours. And my friendly advice: Try to avoid the hot and spicy Messiah. Just sayin’.