It's 1 p.m. Ladies, do you know where your boobs are?

So, after a couple of recent incidents, I’m beginning to wonder how boob-conscious women are. Not in the “I’m wearing a low-cut shirt and men are pigs for looking”–but more in the “Where are things in relation to my boobs” kind of way.

Now, at first this seems like a pretty stupid question. Most women, I’m sure, would say, “Pffft. Well, do you know where things are in relation to your penis?” Absolutely. Though technically, a shot to the penis itself doesn’t hurt. It’s the shot to the testicles that do. If there’s a bad shooter playing pool, trust me, I have one eye on them at all times. The boys are not deserving of such treatment.

I mention this because I was thinking back to an incident the other day. I was working on a section, and a woman who handles the news briefs came out and was looking at a page that was sitting on my desk that I had my hand on. Now, she’s a short (like 4’10”), older woman–and she leans over to look at the page, putting her boob directly on my hand.

Now, if this situation were a porno and she was the hot young busty type, you could cue the “boom-chika-bwa-bwaah” music. I could flip my hand over, give her a squeeze and say, “Yeah baby, I know what you like.”

But it’s not. It’s an older woman placing her boob on the top of my hand. What’s a guy to do? I mean, I’m completely creeped out, and the longer it stays, the longer I’m creeped out. But if I move it, then Lord only knows what she’s thinking. I either give her a cheap thrill or I embarass her because she didn’t know where her boobs were at.

And this is not the only time this has happened. I could probably count half a dozen times, by different women at different companies over the years, that something like this has happened. All sober. All at work.

So ladies, it’s now 1pm. Do you know where your boobs are?