02
Mar
06

Green-eyed monsters

If there’s one thing I love about MySpace and the myspace gatherings at BBT is the fact that I always get to meet/chat with new people. Honestly–my feeling is that everyone has a great story to tell, and really, I enjoy hearing them.

However, one story that I’ve been hearing recently has been bugging the crap out of me. It’s about jealousy.

Enter Kristin, a co-worker of Pinky’s that I met on Tuesday. Attractive girl, friendly, seemed pretty cool. When chatting with her, I asked what she did for a living, and she said, “Well, it’ll take 10 minutes to explain.”
I said, “I’ll make it easier, what’s your job title?”
“Research specialist.”
“See, that’s not so hard. Now that you’ve told me your job title, if I want to know more, I can ask about it and the conversation can continue.”
“Well, yeah, my people skills kinda suck. I was in a relationship for 2 1/2 years and wasn’t allowed to have any friends…”

Woah woah woah. Back that up a sec. Not “allowed.” Holy crap, I can’t even imagine that. I think the last time a gf used that in a sentence on me was back in college, right before I got my tattoo.

But I’m still always surprised when I find out that her story isn’t unique. I have several other friends who have been in the same boat, but I’ve just learned of it recently. And here I thought this was just the topic of every 3rd show on “Lifetime” and every 10th show of “Maurey.” And these aren’t what I’d call retarded women–they tend to be exceptionally bright and fun.

I know it also takes two to tango, but I admit that I don’t understand the woman’s thinking in this process.

Jealousy. Control. Dominance. Insecurity. WTF. I just don’t get it at all.

I mean, I’ve heard tales where guys don’t like when another guy buys their girl a drink at a bar, and they end up yelling at the girl about it (since she accepted the drink). Or I’ve seen them get upset when the woman wants to go out dancing with her girlfriends. I’ve also heard these same guys say to their girls, “Well, I’m going out with my friends, but you’re staying home.” And Lord knows I’ve heard my name being tossed into the mix of many an argument way too many times–all because of this jealousy nonsense.

I guess it’s just me, but I just don’t get this thinking. Yes, I’ve been cheated on. Yes, I’ve been on the other side when the girl was jealous of all my female friends (and let me tell you, the interogations got really really old). But I don’t see how dominating someone else will ensure that they won’t go out and hurt you.

See, my logic is that if I’m keeping you around by manipulation/domination, then I don’t really “have” you in the first place. If I can’t trust you to go out on your own and make the right decisions, then I don’t want to be with you. I won’t live my life always wondering who you’re talking to–I TRUST your judgement is good enough to know who you want to be around (afterall, you picked me, right?).

If you say something that doesn’t sound quite right, or are going to do something that will make me uncomfortable, I will call you on it by saying “Something’s wrong here…” or “That makes me uncomfortable, and here’s why.” Or if we’re at a bar and some guy’s putting the moves on her (while I’m hopping about, running amok as I do), I’m more the type of guy who will just walk up behind her, look at him and say over her shoulder, “Excuse me a sec,” put my hand gently on her stomach, pull her to me and whisper in her ear, “Hey hun, just checking in…you OK?” or “Hey hun, I’m going over to play darts, just wanted to let you know where I’ll be,” and steal a kiss and maybe playfully nibble her neck before I let her go. There’s no arguing, no yelling, no accusations. No need for it. I let him know that I’m her man, and I let her know that I care about her–nothing more needs to be done. (Unless, of course, she’s saying “Help me!,” in which case I’m in an easy position to just whisk her our of the situation by saying, “Sorry amigo, I need to steal her for a second.”)

No relationship is ever perfect, and yeah, they require a lot of work. But I think I’d rather work WITH my partner to find our perfect chemistry than AGAINST her by trying to control her world.

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