WalMart underwear

So last night I stopped into Wal-Mart on the way home from work. Just needed to get a couple things, and late at night is always good because of the lack of a crowd, plus it’s on the way home.

While cruising toward the checkout after grabbing some milk and oatmeal, I noticed a pair of girl’s underwear that was facing the main aisle that I was walking down. On the front of it were the words “Take a chance…” and a pair of dice.

“Wow.” That’s all I could think.

First off, this was older girl/early teen underwear. What’s up with that shit? I mean, I’ve seen the print on the butts of young girls’ shorts before — but the Lord help you if you ever make a comment: “What are you, some kind of pervert? Why are you looking at their butts?”

“Ummm, because there’s PRINT on it.”

It’s kinda like the cleavage paradox — women often show cleavage to get attention from guys, but if it’s not the kind of guy that they want attention from, the guy is suddenly labeled as a perv. Ok, I’m getting sidetracked here, but you get the idea of where I’m going — if someone advertises, someone else is going to pay attention, even if it’s not the intended target audience.

Secondly, this underwear saying itself could be taken in so many different ways. Am I taking a chance because it’s like the Amazon down there and I could get lost? Am I taking a chance because she has STDs? Am I taking chance because she wants to get pregnant? Am I taking a chance because she’s going to stalk my ass afterwards? Am I taking a chance because this is really a “Cry Game” scenario, and it’s supposed to soothe my horror or get me to go along with it anyway after finding a big bulge down there? Or is this just an anti-safe sex slogan–no condom? Well, take a chance and screw her anyway. Hell, maybe she just has some Venus flytrap action going on, and that print is just a warning. No wait, that would have to be “Enter at own risk”, so strike that last one out.

And think about this with the stereotype of Wal-Mart shoppers–“Well, she is my sister, but her panties says it’s OK to take a chance…oh what the hell! Mary Ellen, bend over!”

So what’s next for the young female underwear slogans? Maybe something like “Breakin’ the law”?  “If u can read this, ur not close enuf”? Or maybe one for the schizophrenic girls: “Abandon all hope ye who enter here”?

Or, in a similar vein of K-Mart’s Joe Boxer, women can have the “007” line that has sayings like “For your eyes only…”, “Moonraker”, “Pussy Galore” (yes, that was a Bond girl character’s name) or the ever risky “Octopussy.”

I don’t know, maybe this is really just one more sign that I’m getting old, that I’m nowhere near that hip, trendy stage since I obviously don’t get the true concept of panty or butt print.

But I’m thinking that may not be such a bad thing afterall.


2 Responses to “WalMart underwear”

  1. October 21, 2008 at 7:51 am

    When I used to work at Old Navy we had underwear for girls (the girls section starts at 5 years old basically) that had pictures of things like pies, ice cream, and cherries on them. It doesn’t hit the whole “take a chance” idea but its still pretty wrong.

  2. 2 Three
    October 21, 2008 at 4:34 pm

    That kind of stuff seriously makes me wonder about the marketing behind it. Is it supposed to make a kid feel like a kid? Is it supposed to give the impression of “playful naughtiness” to whomever sees it? If so, then I want to know this: Who is supposed to see it in the first place?

    Fashion. I just don’t get it.

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