Boobs for Bachelors campaign!

Hi. My name is Three. And I’m a bachelor.

Did you know that every day around the world, millions of bachelors go to bed at night without seeing a woman’s boobs? It’s true. And every night, some slip further and further into the realm of despair, where they feel that they may never see boobs again. Think about that. How many bachelors do you know? How many of them are slowly becoming hermits?

Some of you may glibbly point to the computer and say, “Well, there’s plenty of boobs there! The Internet is full of them!” True. But as a bachelor, I can tell you that pictures of gianormous, silicon-injected boobs do not fill the void in the bachelor’s soul. They want to see real boobs. Boobs of women that they actually know, can meet, talk to or simply grope.

And that’s where you can help.

You see, Fat Tuesday is rapidly coming upon us. As many of you know, this is a time where most women will get fabulously drunk and flash their boobs in exchange for cheap, plastic beads. Well, this year, the Boobs for Bachelor campaign is asking you women who would never normally do this to jump into the mix, and free the Springfield Two. By exposing your boobs to the bachelors, you will help those that are slowly become hermits to start talking to women, and maybe even become productive members of society again. Your girls will be giving the gift of hope, and what a gift it is!

Unlike other charity groups that ask you for 29-cents a day for needy, plague-carrying, unproductive and uneducated children that have never done anything for anyone, we simply ask you to give of your time by flashing during this unofficial holiday season. Find your favorite Bachelor. Flash him. Make him smile. Give him hope.

For those of you who are of a more generous nature, the Boobs for Bachelors campaign needs your help in bringing shut-ins out of the house. Here’s how it works: We start the communication process by sending you a picture of your shut in, and tell you why he has become a hermit. We’ll send him a picture of your boobs. He will, most likely, scrawl crudely worded letters to you, and possibly crudely drawn pictures of him and your boobs. Then, after a few more pictures of your boobs and faux promises of meeting you, he’s out of his house like Punxatawny Phil out of his lair on groundhog day! It’s just that simple! And don’t worry–if he does somehow find out who you are, you’re likely to get free tech support for the rest of your life!

So whether you choose to simply flash a bachelor or adopt a shut in, the BfB campaign needs your help.

Please, think of the bachelors.


1 Response to “Boobs for Bachelors campaign!”

  1. 1 Herb
    November 17, 2010 at 12:46 pm


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