…and I'm still full.

So, I went up to Butler to visit my long time friend Greg. It was a business/pleasure visit: My old computer that I was rebuilding for my mom had died, and I couldn’t figure out why. Since Greg is a tech, I brought it up to have him take a look at. And with that, I brought up some Dogfishead Punkin and DFH Jihau, because we surely would end up playing video games or watching terrible movies like we did when we were kids. Except we would have beer. Good beer.

Well, Greg determines that the mobo is dead, which means I’m basically making a cheap computer for mom from scratch. Blah. Greg’s wife comes home and asks what we’re all doing for dinner. Greg says, “I was thinking about taking Art out The Monroe.” Apparently The Monroe’s proper name is “The Monroe Hotel,” and Greg says that they have fantastic food. So, what the hey, why not give it a shot?

We get there, and it’s about what every yinzer bar outside of the city aspires to be: a mixture of sports bar and something that the old-time regulars will still visit. It’s clean. There’s flat-screens and high def sports being pumped into them. Beer selection is about what you’d expect, except they carried Straub Special Dark on tap. I’ve been meaning to try it, so that made me pretty happy.

While perusing the menu, I ask Greg what’s good. He says, “Well, just about everything on the menu is good, but the Monroe burger is an experience.”

“An experience?”


So, with that, I had to order. If I remember the description correctly, the Monroe Burger consists of 3/4 lb. of beef, sauteed mushrooms, cheese, tomato and pickles, with some mayo. And it comes with fries. $7.50.

I hadn’t really eaten all day, so I was pretty hungry. Before it arrived, I was wondering if I should get some wings or jalepeno poppers with it, because, well, a lot of places say “We have a giant burger!” … and it always somehow fails to reach that mark. So I asked Greg if we should get something else. His reaction? “Uhhhh, I don’t think that’s gonna be necessary.”

And then this sucker arrived. I was like, “Wow, that’s a big freakin’ burger.” Mark the time: It was probably around 7:30pm when the food came.

So I ate it. It was great. It complimented the beer nicely, and was probably the best burger I’ve had in months. If there was a grouse about it, I think I would like a pickle on the side to help break up the taste later on. That’s it.

But after I ate it, I felt like Jabba the Hutt … with legs.

We rolled out of there (me almost literally — I was starting to feel like that girl who turns into a blueberry from Willy Wonka), and back to Greg’s. We decide to watch a bad kung fu movie called “The Guy with the Secret Kung Fu.” No, I’m not making this up. The movie is worth a blog in itself, being so horrible and mind-numblingly confusing that it took the phrase “bad movie” to new levels. And the cheesy late 70s computer generated space music (I should have looked for the credits to see what it’s actually called … my God, it was awful) clashed wonderfully with the 15th-century Chinese backdrop that it was taking place in. And you know, even after watching all of it, we never found out who the guy with the secret kung fu was.

So, while between laughing and shaking my head in pain and disbelief, there was the ever present feeling of the Monroe Burger sitting in my gut. I was sitting there, thinking “Man, I’m still full. This is crazy.”

I get home around 1am. And seriously, there was no way I could have even thought about food. I hit the LoveSac and was out cold in minutes. Like a bear hibernating. No way no how I was waking up.

I get a late start on my day today. Ordering new parts for the comp. Chatting with Greg to double check that the stuff I’m ordering will work.  And here it is, 2pm and I still haven’t eaten anything. I’m still not hungry.

This may be the only time in my life that I haven’t eaten for what, like 18 hours? I’m still not hungry. I don’t intend to eat anything for a few more hours. I know I should, and yet, I simply … can’t.

Maybe I should get off my duff and start moving around. Laundry needs to be done. Maybe going up and down the steps will jumpstart my body again. Hmmm…


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