UFOs and Obama

My buddies over at Babeled brought this one up: Apparently an alleged UFO was seen over the inauguration.

So, here’s my theories as to what this means:

1) The X-Files were right: Whatever the hell that whole convoluted plot was in the X-Files show (seriously, I never understood what that whole damn show was about), it’s coming to fruition, and it’s happening NOW. The makers of the show knew it, and were trying to warn us — but obviously we were too arrogant to listen! Oh the doom! The horror! It’s like the plot of every third sci-fi movie come to life!

2) Aliens rigged the election: This makes sense in more ways than I could initially believe. I mean, obviously McCain and Palin were captured and cloned — but the clone jobs were intentionally badly done, which accounts for McCain’s wandering around during the debate and Palin knowing nothing about anything. Joe the Plumber was obviously the controlling agent. Gaffe after gaffe after gaffe. It all makes sense now — alien plot!  (And if I were in the GOP, I’d push this theory — because the truth that they were the best 2 candidates they could muster is far more damaging.)

3) Aliens Love Democrats: And we all know why — Democrats are less likely to have the balls to enter into a protracted war when the invasion comes. So forget stocking up for the impending Zombiecaust — lock ‘n load and brace for the alien invasion! But be sure to hold your fire — let the tree huggers race to embrace them as our brothers, so they can be caught in the cross fire. Two birds, one stone. That’s all I’m sayin’. (And I’m predicting that Western PA will be the first to go all “Red Dawn” on their asses, and have the highest alien kill ratio of any region in the U.S. You read it here FIRST!)

4) Muffin delivery system: Obama and crew have perfected the delivery system for warm, whole-wheat muffin delivery, and put it on display for the world to see. However, they still lack the Care Bears needed to bring the plan to fruition. That will have to come later, when he takes the shackles off of the scientific community — morality be damned, we need Care Bears and muffins, and we need them now!

5) Broken bowflex: Someone was obviously taking their Bowflex (with power-rod technology!) to the limit, and it failed. One of the power rods had such a tremendous amount of stored energy that it flew out the window and past the camera with so much speed that it was just a mere blur.

6) Dude, relax! It’s just a skyfish:


8 Responses to “UFOs and Obama”

  1. January 25, 2009 at 4:31 pm

    Now, I’m no expert, but it appears to be a bird. And a pretty big bird at that. I mean, how weird would it be for a UFO to fly over Washington, DC with 2 million people in the exact same location while one guy with super hi-tech video software captured the ONLY SIGHTING of a UFO over the inauguration ceremony …

    I mean, I might like to drink a ton of moonshine and get faced before noon, but I swear that the big black flapping thing that flew like a bird through the low mid-morning sky was not really a bird, but more like some sort of avian feathered flappy thing with wings. Or something! I mean, how do you explain it? It couldn’t be a human. Nor could it be a metallic craft of some sort. It definitely couldn’t be some sort of deity (the only deity was on the stage with Chief Justice Roberts — can’t have two deities in the same location. It breaks the rule of deity proximity. It’s in the Lincoln Bible. Look it up!) …

    I think it was … a Yeti with a Jet Pack. There, I said it. It was DEFINITELY, without a shadow of doubt, a yeti with a jetpack. Carrying a pinball machine. Into the future.

  2. 2 Yeti
    January 25, 2009 at 5:19 pm

    As a yeti myself, I disagree with the above comment. In fact, I believe willliamj is part of the great conspiracy to discredit UFO enthusiasts. After all, everyone knows we yetis cannot operate jetpacks. We’re not Sasquatches, you know.

    As for the video, it’s most definitely a flying squirrel carrying a moose.

  3. 3 33degree
    January 26, 2009 at 10:11 am

    You are definitely onto something with the Bowflex theory.

    When the alien reckoning comes I will venture westward into PA so that I can be a conscripted member of the Keystone’s reenactment of Red Dawn as New Jersey will clearly be taking up the tree hugger embrace..

  4. 4 Sly Reference
    January 26, 2009 at 10:38 am

    This just proves that Jeff Foxworthy is right — anything sounds stupid when it’s said in a southern accent.

  5. January 26, 2009 at 11:22 am

    Actually #2 comes close to what was going on in XFiles…

    As for what it is – it’s a piece of JFK’s skull, finally reaching DC airspace after it’s long trip from Texas.

  6. 6 Ian
    January 27, 2009 at 8:00 am

    Dude, where do y0u come up with this stuff?

  7. January 27, 2009 at 8:20 pm

    For some reason, that guy’s voice makes it hard for me to take him seriously.

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