So long, virtual friend!

My life is relatively drama free. I work hard to keep it that way. But I have to admit, sometimes all that stability gets a little boring.

Thank God I sit next to Pigpen Jen at work.

I say this because PPJ gets tons more crazy shit flowing to her than I ever have, and that includes my days with The Freak or when Season of the Freak is in full effect.


Now look what you've done, young Fleury!

Here’s the latest that has left me a bit confused. Recently, PPJ updated her Facebook status to celebrating her love for Penguins’ goalie Marc-Andre Fleury. Now, she really isn’t a hockey fan, but she things he’s pretty hot and therefore cheers him on.

Apparently, one of her Facebook friends took exception to her admiration of the young lad and the Penguins in general. Since PPJ is originally from Philly, he not only chastized her for cheering on a non-Philadelphia sports figure (despite her favorite team being the Sixers), but went on to call Sid Crosby “hockey’s cancer” AND blast her for “living in a second-rate city like Pittsburgh.”

And then he took it a step further and dropped theI don’t know if I can be friends with you” bomb.

What makes this really funny is the fact that PPJ barely knows this guy. He graduated high school with PPJ’s sister, and that’s the only connection.

But what really amuses me is when people fire off that the warning shot of “I’m on the verge of defriending you because of such-and-such.”

Really? Defriend her? Oh noes! Not that, virtual friend! What would she ever do without you and your Facebook quips to help guide her life? Let me tell you how she sits at her desk, pining for your every post, every status update, and every comment that you leave for her. Your pearls of wisdom just brighten and enlighten her existance! You can’t leave her, virtual friend! I’ll see to it that she complies with every piece of advice you toss her way, for even a second-rate-city dweller like me can see how wonderiffic you are, and how poignant and thought provoking your comments are. I know you’re just looking out for her well-being, as you Philadelphians are known to do. Rest assured, virtual friend, I’ll get her back on track.

Seriously, where do these people come from?

I mean, I’ve heard of people being defriended for stalker behavior, but because you like the Marc-Andre Fleury and you live in Pittsburgh? Where’s the sin in that?

Or let me phrase it another way — I have 220 Facebook friends. I know the vast majority fairly well — well enough that I have met them in person, had beers with them or went to school with them. The strangers tend to be friends of friends or people who have been kind enough to add me because of my blog (and strangers are welcome, however you need to tell me why you are friend requesting me — “follow your blog” tends to be good enough).

However, not one person has ever fired that “I don’t know if I can be your friend” shot at me. I’m a goofy mofo — I freely admit it. I’m known for it. My status updates are rarely serious, and often the threads take turns to the surreal. That’s  the way my life rolls, and I prefer to laugh the entire way.

Hey, I know I’m not for everyone. Don’t want to be my friend because of something I said (or am perfectly willing and capable of saying)? Here’s an idea — don’t pull out that passive agressive “I don’t know if I can be your friend” stuff — just balls out defriend me. Trust me, I’m a big boy. I’ll still sleep at night.

But the “defriend warning” — I guess I just don’t get it. I have no idea of what kind of mentality someone would have to have in order to think that their virtual friendship means THAT MUCH to other people.

Well, suffice to say, while PPJ’s fine virtual friend may not have a pair enough to defriend her for her comments, she and her sister DO, and have nuked his ass from their lists.

God I love the smell of napalm in the morning.


Pittsburgh, City of Champions, baby.


4 Responses to “So long, virtual friend!”

  1. 1 funkyskull
    June 14, 2009 at 1:30 am

    It’s the online equivalent to threatening to take your ball and bat and go home…without ever actually going.

  2. June 14, 2009 at 5:46 pm

    a. That douche can suck it so hard.
    b. Thanks for posting a Marc-Andre photo; I can’t get enough of that hot little lad.
    c. I guess I should constantly be sad because the Iggles and McNabb choke every time. I need to suffer along with my city. How could I abandon it! I should not take pleasure in living in a city with kick-ass sports team. GOD. Fuck that kid.

  3. 3 Jae
    June 15, 2009 at 11:47 pm

    As you know, the BF and I live about 30 minutes outside of Philly. We can’t tell anyone that lives near us that we’re Pens fans for fear of damage to our cars or apartment. Seriously, crazy asses around here. But Facebook is free game. Here’s what the BF posted and his buddies’ replies:

    BF: ” i guess flyers fans must feel honored to share a home state with a team that can bring home the stanley cup”
    Friend 1: “not cool dude”
    Friend 2: “F*@k the penguins!”
    BF: “don’t you mean F*@k the 2009 stanley cup champion penguins?”
    Friend 1: “Sidney Crosby likes dudes”
    BF: “dudes that help win championships”

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