13
Sep
09

My new heroes

She got mad skills! (Photo: Jason Bridge/Valley News Dispatch)

She got mad skills! (Photo: Jason Bridge/Valley News Dispatch)

Now you may wonder why this young lady is one of my new heroes. Well, the answer is a 3-parter:

  1. She’s hula hooping, with a beer in her hand.
  2. Her fashion sense. That hat is a definite keeper.
  3. The fact that she’s not even paying attention while she hula hoops with a beer in her hand and multiple layers on.

I mean, this whole thing takes talent. I’m not sure exactly what kind of talent enable one to do what she’s doing, but whatever it is, she’s got it. In abundance.

The second is another unlikely candidate, given that I tend to loathe most children:

And yes, even this kid is one that I would feel the urge to strangle. I mean, any kid who talks to his parents like he’s in charge deserves a good backhand. However, the “bacon is good for me” line is brilliant. He has mastered a valuable lesson that a lot of men fail to learn — saying “no” to a woman, no matter how big her breasts may be. I’m not saying he’ll be successful later on in life — but one thing is for certain — he will have bacon. And it will be good for him.

Speaking of bacon being good for you, Gertrude Baines is hero No. 3. You may remember her as being the world’s oldest woman (115), until she died on Friday. The secret to her longevity? A steady diet of crispy bacon, fried chicken and ice cream. God bless you, Gertrude. You are a role model for the rest of us.

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