Extreme(ly funny) Paranormal

With the past buildup to Halloween fresh in my mind, the one thing I HAVE to talk about is catching yet another paranormal show called “Extreme Paranormal.” Now, if you’re a regular reader, you know I love the paranormal shows — not so much because I’m a believer, but because I find them to be completely entertaining. But if you are anything like me, when you hear “Extreme Paranormal,” the first thing that pops into your mind are the “extreme punks” from “Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle” screaming “EXTREME!”  (And for you commies that live under rocks, here’s the scene:)

But as this clip goes to show, most things called “extreme” are simply no where near it. Remember that band “Extreme”? I was picturing something Gwar when I first heard of them. Know what it was? Lame. Extreme Doritos? Kinda prefer the normal or cool ranch. Extreme games? Boring. XFL? Just a bad, bad idea.

So what could I expect from “Extreme Paranormal”? Was it going to be the guy doing the pterodactyl screech whenever he spotted a ghost? Would the EVPs just be screaming “EXTREME!” Well, luckily for me, I had a day off, and A&E decided to run a bunch of them. I plunked myself down and watched. And watched. And laughed my ass off.

No, seriously. I laughed like it was the first time I saw “Airplane!”

Express elevator to hell, going down!

I don’t know the origin of these guys, but if you’ve ever run in nerd circles, you know you’ve met guys just like them. You have Sean (the guy on the right), who is a big guy that reminds me of Hudson from “Aliens” because he’s always saying “man.” “Dude, something just grabbed my leg, man!” “Get up here and check this out, man!” Then there’s the occultist guy Nathan, who is kinda Steve Buscemi-esque but in a computer geek kind of way — meaning that he’s way difficult to take seriously. And then there’s my favorite — the fat tech guy named Jason.

Jason is a good guy, there’s no doubt in my mind. But it became rapidly apparent that he’s like the pudgy kid brother of a guy in the group that always gets convinced to do retarded things. “Just hold the damn firecracker in your hand after we light it. It doesn’t hurt. Don’t be a pussy. You’re a man, right? Well time to act like one.”

Now, the first episode I saw was when they were out in the swamps of Louisiana, and they decided to “go extreme” by burying Jason on the outskirts of a haunted mass grave. They ended up digging him up after he got an EVP and heard scratching on the coffin (which he could of easily done himself). As he quickly climbed out of the unearthed coffin, his pants started slipping and you could see he had on a nasty pair of tighty whiteys. And that’s where I just flat out lost it and knew I was hooked. I just knew … KNEW … that this whole show existed just to torture him.

Regardless if they found anything remotely paranormal, I knew I had found an entertaining show. I knew I was gonna end up laughing.

And, I did.

Now, poor Jason — they bury him in the ground. They put him in a straight jacket in the child ward of an abandoned insane asylum and circle him with candles and broken toys (oh, and for the record, he’s afraid of ghost children). They put him in a cell where prisoners killed an inmate by cutting him up with power tools, and break out a grinder to cut through the bars in order to provoke the spirit. And he freaks. He ALWAYS freaks.  It’s beautiful. He’s like the round version of Shaggy, and you could play a drinking game by drinking every time he says “Let’s get the hell out of here,” “You guys owe me big time” or any time he curses, jumps or apologizes because he’s scared.

The rest of the show, I dunno. Are they finding anything paranormal? To be honest, I can’t tell because that’s not what I’m watching it for. However, I’m eagerly awaiting what they have in store for him, and that alone is gonna keep my coming back for more.


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