20
Jan
10

A different kind of Proactive solution

I recently saw a commercial from the fine folks at Proactive. You know, the company that makes those face creams that not only clear up any acne that one may have, but also manages to give women orgasms when they speak about it. (“Oh my God, I just LOVE the green tea moisturi – i – i – i – ZEEEEER!)

Well, apparently there was a new commercial out with some bimbette star (Julianne Hough — I had to look it up) hawking the product. In it, she says something to the effect of “how special celebrations can be ruined by having your face break out.” And they zoom in on her face, and she has a couple zits that are visible ONLY because the camera zooms in on them.

His big day was spoiled by acne.

You know, I’m sure that when Charles K. Kao took half of the Nobel Prize in Physics in 2009 for his groundbreaking achievements concerning the transmission of light in fibers for optical communication, the day was ruined for him because he had a couple of zits. In fact, I heard that behind the scenes, Willard S. Boyle and George E. Smith (who won the other half of the prize for the invention of an imaging semiconductor circuit – the CCD sensor) remarked that they couldn’t believe that he was even out in public, let alone to take the stage with them to receive such a distinguished award. They were, “like, totally embarrassed to be seen with him,” according to sources.

Thanks to Proactive Solution, I no longer feel like a freak!

The commercial then goes on to show all of these people whose lives are infinitely better because they don’t have any more of those “bumps” (they’re so ashamed that they can’t even say “pimple” or “zit”) on their faces anymore. They even have a guy saying, “Man, it’s so great not having to worry about my skin anymore!” Because, you know, whenever you get a blemish of any kind, you should fret, hide out in your basement and continue to scrub until you take several layers of your face off. Then and ONLY then should you be allowed back into society, and you can live your life freely and be able to fully enjoy things like a Hollywood Award Ceremony or a cup of coffee without everyone staring at your ghastly face.

For me, I guess what this all boils down to is this: Oh, your life is so bad because you have a couple of zits. Boo-fucking-hoo. Just suck it up and deal with it. Things could be a hell of a lot worse. I can just see these spokespeople if they were Haitian, screaming “Send food, water and Proactive Solution! This earthquake devastated our homes and made me completely break out! I’m so embarrassed! FML! How awful would it be to die with bad skin? I can’t meet the Messiah and God in all their glory if I have a zit!!”

Yeah, my Proactive Solution is this: Every time I hear one of these asshats complain about their skin, I’m going to imagine a Haitian walking into the commercial and punching them in the face.

No one wants to have to deal with acne, but seriously, a few zits are not the end of the damned world, for fuck’s sake.

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1 Response to “A different kind of Proactive solution”


  1. 1 Corey
    October 29, 2010 at 12:27 am

    http://thechive.com/2010/03/25/kiss-my-funny-bone-20-photos/funny-pics-10/


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