Location, location, location

As some of you know, I have a wedding coming up in October. No no, I’m not getting married … but one of my best friends is. Corey, who I’ve known since my junior year of college, will be having a pretty kick-ass wedding. She’s marrying Jimo, who is also a fantastically fun guy, in what could be a wedding of the ages: the reception will be at the Triumph Brewery in Princeton, NJ. If I remember correctly, it will feature live music (allegedly, the band will play metal), and I will finally get to meet a bunch of Corey’s friends from “aht East,” as we already chat and abuse the crap out of each other on Facebook and Twitter.

So, yes, this will be an epic wedding. Make no mistake about it.

Which leads me to a tweet I threw out the other night …

Which led to Aht East crew member Chrissie busting my stones …

Which led to …

Now, flash back about 15 years ago, when I was living down in Florida. I had picked up a second job to pay the bills and save up a little cash so I could move back to Pittsburgh. I was working at a country club gym in Boca Raton, where the vast majority of members were from NYC and New Jersey. They would ask where I was from, I’d say Pittsburgh, talk of the Steelers would ensue, and life was good.

However, later on down the road, we’d be talking and they’d say, “Oh, but you’re from Philly.” I would get an incredulous look on my face. I mean, if this was the era of dueling, I would have slapped them with a glove and it would be on. “PHILLY?! No. I’m from Pittsburgh.” They’d brush it off with a “Oh, same thing.”

No. No no no no no. Not even remotely close to the same thing. We don’t have Rocky. We don’t have the Liberty Bell. Ben Franklin? Not from Pittsburgh. We have an accent, but we can pronounce “water” properly. We’ve also never pelted Santa Claus with snowballs, and our quarterback has only been ACCUSED of crimes, not found guilty. See, big differences. I think it’s safe to say that while we share the same state, no one from Philly wants to be confused with being a Pittsburgher, and vice-versa.

But now the tables were turned. I was being accused of confusing New Jersey with Philly. I was the one brushing it off as “same thing.” So, I wanted to take a little time to share all that I know about New Jersey:

  • It’s a place where douchebags go to contract STDs from other douchebags on the oceanfront.
  • The Sopranos tend to dispose of bodies there.
  • It’s literally a “mob rule” kind of state.
  • It’s like 10 miles x 30 miles. That’s it.
  • Newark is a scary spot. Don’t stop there. Ever.
  • The Jersey Devil lives somewhere outside of Newark, but is likely from there.
  • That warm feeling you get when you enter New Jersey? That’s from all the toxic waste buried there.
  • Kevin Smith is from there, which is pretty cool.
  • I hate NJ’s hockey team with a passion.

So, in other words, I know nothing about New Jersey, and I owe everyone an apology. My tweet should have read “I need to go suit shopping for my friend’s NJ wedding, which is coming up fast. While there, I will likely be eating human flesh and drinking delicious beer (which I’ve heard radiant reports about), and as I stumble into the glowing parking lot to hook up with the staff bimbo, I will likely be killed by a mythical creature.”

Sure, it would have gone way past Twitter’s 140 character limit, but now I feel a lot better, as should you.

(And let’s hope people from New Jersey have a sense of humor….)


8 Responses to “Location, location, location”

  1. 1 Chrissie
    September 27, 2010 at 2:46 pm

    I went to Pittsburgh once. But I was young then and have since blocked that horrific event from my memory. ; )

    PS – I hate NJ’s hockey team, too. Almost as much as I hate the Penguins.

  2. September 27, 2010 at 3:08 pm

    Well all right, a post about my home state—the armpit of America. New Jersey widely gets a bad rap—possibly justified to an extent—but it’s a great place in its own right. But who care about that?

    The important thing is that you’ll be visiting my old stomping grounds. Princeton is a fantastic town and Triumph is one of my all time favorite establishments. Fantastic food, atmosphere, and homebrew brewed on location. Seriously, I’ve been to Triumph far too many times to count. Needless to say I have many fond and hazy memories. I assure you that you’re going to have a great time.

    That said, if you’ve got an New Jersey questions feel free to ask. Keep in mind, I leave a mere 5 miles from the beach in South Jersey, which is an entirely different animal altogether. Despite NJ being 10 miles by 30 miles, it is fiercely divided on North, Central, and South Jersey lines.

  3. 3 Michele Tenore
    September 27, 2010 at 3:22 pm

    I need to correct your first statement…It’s where NY douchebags go to give NY douchebags STD’s on the oceanfront. Those clowns are like an ant invasion! Can’t wait to drink and be abused by the Pitt crew in person! BTW, Greg is right. It is a small state with three very divided areas! I’m very proud to be a Central Jersian (those southerns are from another country, but don’t tell Corey or Chrissie!)!

  4. 4 Mike
    September 27, 2010 at 3:25 pm

    Tell the Florida friends the easy way to tell Pittsburgh from Philly: We’re the ones with Super Bowl trophies.

    • September 27, 2010 at 3:28 pm

      Oh, the Florida folks weren’t friends. They were members of the country club that I worked at. My friends KNEW EXACTLY where I was from. I never let them forget that I was a Yinzer.

  5. September 27, 2010 at 3:58 pm

    Shhh. . . you have to keep the Jersey hatin’ down. I once wrote about my evil bitch roommate who was from Jersey and I swear all four of her friends found the post and hit me with mean troll comments for a month afterward.

  6. September 27, 2010 at 4:59 pm

    Ha ha. Funny post. I love NJ. And do you see my little pic there? NJ Devils fan!

    Newark isn’t all that bad. It depends on where you go and who you know.

    I don’t know how NJ got such a bad reputation but I love it. I may move back there one day. lol
    : )

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