New Jersey: I’m sorry.

A few posts back, I kinda went on a tear, busting on the residents of New Jersey (and the state) with my ignorant, unprovoked attacks upon them. You seen, having never really been there, I could only guess what it was like. I kinda envisioned Tony Soprano and Silent Bob riding Jersey Devils and burying nuclear waste like Johnny Appleseed. And there would be tons of cursing.

And there was a lot of bashing done on Twitter before even entering the state. Tweets like this appeared … again, unjustly.

But I was wrong, New Jersey. Very, very wrong.

See, upon entering the state, I expected to be, at the very least, verbally assaulted. Which I wasn’t.

I expected to see big hair. Know what was big on the first woman I saw there? Her boots. We’re talking ginormous, up to the knee boots. In mid-70s weather. But she was tiny, so maybe it was needed to help weigh her down. We may never know.

So, being the man that I am, I’m here to correct or clarify myself.

  • When I busted on Newark, I was out of line. I was actually thinking of Camden. I think the Beastie Boys actually wrote a song called “No Sleep Through Camden,” but it was later changed to “Don’t Go To Camden” until it was finally changed to “No Sleep To Brooklyn” after a failed show in Camden, and they were fleeing. So Newark, I’m sorry. No, I won’t be stopping by to apologize in person, but … you know …
  • I did discover that Trenton is the Italian or Jewish mother passive-aggressive center of New Jersey. You can just hear Trenton saying, “I work so hard for yoos, work my fingers to the bone, and all you do it take take take. I’m SO unappreciated!”
    Let’s face it, when you put the guilt trip in big-ass lighted letters on a freakin’ bridge, you mean it.
  • I didn’t see any drug dealers or mobsters that I know of.
  • Everyone was polite and friendly, though I assume that was because we were in Princeton, and everyone thought we were homeless or from a third-world country (like Pennsylvania).

So you see, New Jersey wasn’t at all what I expected. Which is good. But Philly, on the other hand … don’t even get me started on those guys …

    2 Responses to “New Jersey: I’m sorry.”

    1. 1 Chrissie
      October 16, 2010 at 12:08 pm

      Welcome to the dark side. : )

      I mean, how COULD you dislike Jersey, with all that it offered you that weekend? Free beer in tiny little glasses, toast for $20, and parking lot rumors. It’s a great place!

      And honestly, the only people who venture into Newark are people who work there, and Devils fans. Enough said.

      Apology accepted. NJ wants you back!!!!!

    2. 2 Corey
      October 18, 2010 at 12:34 am

      “The slogan was originally “The World Takes, Trenton Makes” and came from a contest sponsored by the Trenton Chamber of Commerce in 1910. S. Roy Heath, the former Heath Lumber founder and New Jersey State Senator, coined the phrase.” Now that the history lesson is over, apology accepted, but you’re not entirely wrong. Stay the hell out of Camden! There are things along the revitalized waterfront area, like the Tweeter Center, the Adventure Aquarium (half the adventure is getting in/out of Camden!) and the Battleship NJ that are OK to visit when the sun is up. Other than that…run away! It’s been the #1 or #2 (depending on the year) worst city in the US for a reason, rivaling only Detroit. Now Newark is a little slice of Heaven, too. South Jersey can’t have all the fun. You’ll find all the big hair, cursing, drug deals, mobsters, dead bodies and/or places to hide them you’ll ever need in and around Newark and the surrounding area. There are towns up there, like Irvington for instance, where you’d be advised by law enforcement to not even drive through at night. As for Jewish Mothers, nothing beats Cherry Hill. However, several other towns come close. Your Italians come in several varieties depending on location. South Jersey is full of Philly Italians. North Jersey overflows with New York Italians. Central Jersey, particularly Ocean County, seems to draw the Staten Island Italians like moths to a flame. I think that’s because Seaside Heights is their holy land. But you are welcome here, Arthur. There is so much more for you to see than just a night or two in Princeton can provide. Drive out next time with Mikey. We’d love to have you!!!

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