03
Jul
12

Fairiors: Big Butler Fair, Vol. II

Now, the big draw to Sunday’s Big Butler Fair was the School Bus Demolition Derby. However, you’ll have to wait until tomorrow’s segment to see that. Today’s segment will on all the other entertainment that was available.

I’m a guy who likes to people watch. From Anthrocon to hanging out at the mall, people watching is always entertaining. And again, in this regard, the Big Butler Fair didn’t disappoint.

After pulling in to the parking area, I caught a glimpse of what I could expect: A young girl walking in with booty shorts and cowboy boots. Within minutes of entering the actual fair, I heard a parent say to her child (who was blowing through a straw to make an annoying noise), “Please stop that,” and then “IF YOU DON’T STOP THAT I’M GOING TO SHOVE IT UP YOUR BUTT.”

Oh yes, entertainment would be easy to find. And it was all around. In fact, walking out of the barns, we came upon this glorious site:

Mess with the bull, get the inflatable horns.

Now, upon seeing this wondrous piece of machinery, I had flashbacks to my dad’s ’78 Ford 150, which he had on jacked-up tires. he even had steps on it to help my sister and I crawl into the cab on those rare occasions where we didn’t ride in the bed. And it was the 70s — we asked him to ride in the bed, because bouncing around in truck bed while in heavy traffic was considered fun in those days. You parents now would be all horrified, and that’s why the commies are winning.

I briefly considered paying for a ride, but my memory was still good enough to know what being driven around in a giant truck is like, so I opted out. Maybe in a few more years.

Then there was the shopping.

If you ever wondered where cheap goods featuring gnomes, dragons, and Confederate flags come from, it’s from a fair of some sort. Even the t-shirts were so ungodly … I don’t even know how to describe it … hickish? … that some of the best had to be photographed and shared. So, again, there’s nothing I can add to these pictures.

Turtles and gnomes and Confederate flags, oh my!

The shirts:

    

A surprising number of you Twitter people thought I should have bought the first one. But 1) I hate grey shirts. 2) I find it very difficult to wear the Confederate flag, even in jest. But that’s a story for a different day. 3) Where in God’s name would I actually wear it? Well, I guess I could wear it to other fairs, but that would be about it.

Then there were the prizes you could win at the games, mon:

  

And what fair isn’t complete without the obligatory freakshows? From Sampson the Giant Horse to the some of the others, it is quite a site to behold.

Sheep beats cow!

Horse power!

Now, one of the fairiors did notice something about Sampson’s alleged size.

He questioned the size comparison chart on the left. Since Bigfoot the Mythical Creature has never been found and therefore never measured, how can that comparison be accurate? And clearly, if this horse was in this structure, then there is no way way it could be bigger than the Bigfoot Monster Truck, as the Wild Bull truck was bigger than this stall.

The only way to figure out this mystery was to go inside, but since there was no beer, none of us was willing to do it. Oh, the mysteries you left us with, Big Butler Fair!

But all of this was completely expected. I mean, this is the normal fair experience and fun … but there is always SOMETHING unique about every fair. Something so unexpected that when you see it, you take a deep breath and exhale a slow “Oh. My. God.”

And we found it in the Puppetone Rockers.

If I had to describe it, it would be like a Zamboni with dancing puppets and a lounge singer acting as one. I was fortunate enough to catch it on video. Please excuse my poor camera skills … I heard the music and walked toward the Puppetone Rockers like they were the Pied Pipers.

Tomorrow’s post? THE SCHOOL BUS DEMOLITION DERBY. With VIDEO.

PREPARE FOR GLORY!

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