Posts Tagged ‘bird flu

22
May
06

Just plain stupid

Last night on the way home, I was listening to Dr. Drew on the radio. Now, if you’ve never heard him, it’s a call-in show that answers sex/addiction/depression/life questions. There’s almost always have a guest (Danny Bonneducci was on last night). It’s good stuff, and generally always entertaining.

So, a woman from Oregon calls in (and she sounds like a whiney bitch), and she’s asks, “I found out that my husband went to strip club with a bunch of his friends the other night. What’s the deal with guys and strip clubs?”

Dr. Drew starts talking about how clinical studies prove that men need diversity and are extremely visual, and that his going has nothing to do with her or their relationship. Well, she starts to fight about it cause she doesn’t get it. “He’s getting enough at home, he doesn’t need to go there.” And they tell her that women are wired differently, and that it has nothing to do with her and their relationship. And she doesn’t listen to anything and keeps babbling on and on.

And then it comes to light that her husband’s gone to the strip club 2 times in 5 years.

OMG! Not 2 times in 5 YEARS! Jesus lady, get a fucking grip.

Now I’m not a strip club guy. The only time I go is for bachelor parties and such. Not that I don’t enjoy hot naked women, but you know, for the money that I’ve seen guys drop in them, I figure I could ask a girl out, spend it on a great night, and more than likely get some at the end of the night. Leaving a strip club drunk and horny just doesn’t do it for me.

But damn lady, 2 times in 5 years is nothing to get worked up about. Please, do the world a favor and lighten the fuck up.

******************

Speaking of “much ado about nothing,” I don’t know about you all, but I’m completely fucking sick of the paranoia that the media is trying to instill in us.

My biggest pet peeve is the bird flu. As I said in my previous blog, 93 people have died WORLD WIDE from this disease since 2003. That is hardly an epidemic. It’s right up there with West Nile virus as one of the most overblown health issue stories around. You remember the dreaded West Nile virus–passed by mosquitos and potentially deadly to infants and those 800+ years old.

Yeah, what’s the death toll on that sucker…like 5 people in New York and New Jersey?

I know that the big fear of bird flu is that it’ll mutate and become a similar flu to the one that killed millions in the early 1900s.

But what are the chances of that?

Life is filled with “what if” chances that we have no control over. What if that rig behind me loses its brakes and crashes into me? What if that rig in front of me loses its load? What if I go to the bank and it gets robbed? What happens if my car breaks down on Route 28 at 3 a.m.? I think these are more likely to happen than bird flu mutating into the death virus.

And hey, if we’re gonna talk small-chance “what if’s,” I’m more concerned that some big ass comet will have its orbit altered and crash into Earth than I am about some mutant flu.

I think the last straw was when I read about a woman who made “emergency kits” for her children and gave them to them on Christmas because of bird flu.

Holy fuck lady, what the hell are you smoking?

Let’s say that it mutates and an epidemic starts. What does your emergency kit contain that is going to help them in this situation? Vitamin C, chicken soup, water, cough syrup and some warm blankets? Better throw some Ludens and robitussen in there while you’re at it.

C’mon. If you believe all this crap, do yourself a favor and never leave the house ever again. Wrap it up in a bubble. Have all your food delivered in front of said bubble. Tele-commute to work. Forget about talking to your friends in person, going out to dinner or movies, traveling or doing anything that makes life worth living ever again.

Use your head. Think. Filter. Be realistic. And stop listening to this hype.

09
May
06

rotten rants

For some reason I’m really, really fired up and in a bad, bad mood. So, here’s what’s on my mind:

1. Avain bird flu movie: While driving to the mall, I heard a commercial for a movie on tonight about the plague of avian bird flu. The fantastic drama included “What if we seal the borders?” “It’s too late!”

Now first of all, think about this one sec. Bird flu. Avian. How are you going to seal the border FROM BIRDS? Secondly, the bird flu is responsible for about 93 deaths WORLD WIDE since 2003. Yes, that’s right! If 93 people died today in Bangladesh, 1 apartment would open up. And the people that have died from this disease are people who have been doing things like throwing around the head of a dead chicken.

This is almost as bad as the dreaded West Nile Virus, that killed what, like 6 elderly people who would have died from being sneezed on? Oh no. The horror.

Let’s compare these to the bubonic plague that killed what, like half to 3/4 of the population of Europe? Ummm, yeah. I’m scared. Time to wrap my house up in saranwrap and hope for the best.

Shit, for a plague, these are both so wussified that I want to punch the people who bring them up and continue to push them in our faces.

2) Weather bashers: Now, I must admit that the weather we’ve been having is unusual, but I still come across people who write in their blogs about “dreary Pittsburgh weather.” Have you been fucking paying attention at all? I think I’ve had about 4 hours sleep each night for the past 6 weeks because of the sun rising at 6am, and I certainly don’t have any of my retinas left after having to drive west into the setting sun. Trust me, the weather has been anything but dreary. So, tomorrow there’s a prediction of rain, and I’m thankful for it. I may actually be able to get more sleep than 4 hours. But I know…I ABSOLUTELY KNOW…that someone’s going to say “Oh, the dreary weather is back.” It’s called rain. And believe it or not, it rains EVERYWHERE. And trust me, in the areas that it doesn’t, you wouldn’t want to live.

And don’t forget about the people who say “Well, the rain is good, cause we needed it.” In a sense, yes, right now we do, but these people will say that on any given day after a few days of sunshine. They make me insane. I swear, one week after Hurricane Ivan swept through and caused all kinds of floods and mudslides due to the ground being overly saturated from having too much rain all summer, I was at a gathering and heard a woman say, “Well, it’s okay that it’s gonna rain. We need it.” It was all I could do to not just pull a Terrance and Philip and simply slap her on the spot.

3) Fashion: While I appreciate that stores are bringing in more clothing lines for heavier folks, do these same heavier folks necessarily need to wear tight clothes? Look, I’m not svelte. But there’s a reason that I don’t try and wear a medium-sized shirt–I don’t want to walk around looking like an overcooked sausage that’s about to pop.

Clothes that fit is a neat concept. Look into it.

3a) God hates overweight Asian women. I saw an Asian woman in the mall who had to be a good 40-50 lbs. overweight. Now generally speaking, when a woman is carrying the extra weight, she can at least take comfort in the fact that she’ll have big boobs or a big butt, which a lot of guys like. And a lot of ladies still keep that hourglass shape. Except for the Asian ladies. All the weight, but none of the benefits. Just looking like a big ole walking cigar.

4) Salespeople and customer service: Rolling in to Sam’s Club, I got accosted by an overly friendly manager. The only thing worse than poor customer service is too much customer service. I wasn’t sure if I needed a cart or not, so as she’s telling me to take one, she’s also leaning in on me and yammering on and on about something. Ahhhh! Get the fuck out of my space, wench! So I snatched the cart and shopped. Then, at the check out, she mysteriously shows up and says, “Oh, see, I told you the cart would come in handy!” I came really close to asking her, “Does Sam’s carry any giant bowls of shutthefuckup? If so, you really should try some.”




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