Posts Tagged ‘Evil Mr. Rogers


Good grief.

Mr. Rogers: Destroyer of Worlds, Harbinger of Doom.

King Friday will look upon the world, see nothing bug corruption and violence and sin and socialism, and find it to be unjust. He will decide that the end must come.

He will send his messenger, Mr. McFeely, to instruct man of how to be saved, but few will listen or accept his instructions, believing the words to be from a false prophet claiming to be a Nigerian Prince who needs money so he can send them more money.

You will know the end is near when Trolley’s great bell tolls, which signals the release of Daniel Striped Tiger, the right hand of Mr. Rogers, upon the world.

Daniel will enter the world with a mighty roar, and gouge the ground with his fearsome terrycloth paws, sending rippling earthquakes across the world.  His fearsome teeth will cause men to panic and flee before their inevitable destruction. Those who dare to get close to him will find themselves torn apart in Daniel’s great and mighty maw.

Things will be quiet for a day, and man will believe the worst is done.

But then a great howl will be heard across the land: Bob Dog will bring forth  X the Owl, who will beat his great wings, causing tornadoes and hurricanes to ravage man again. Millions of screams will be quieted by X’s mighty shriek, and the air itself will be littered with the dead as X laughs at man’s destruction. Man will be scattered and lost, knowing no border or home.

Again, those that live will know rest.

But on the third day, Lady Elaine Fairchilde will unleash plagues and pestilence upon man. The dead will rise and feed upon the living, while her harsh cackle fills the ears of those who live. The torment she unleashes will last for a day, and then she will say, “OK, toots!”

But on the fourth day, salvation will be at hand. Those who recognize the power and glory of Mr. Rogers will be saved. Henrietta Pussycat will arrive driving the giant trolley, and will help the survivors on board with a warm hug and a soft and gentle whisper of “Meow meow meow.”


And this, my friends, is why a lot of folks can’t take Fox News seriously.


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