Posts Tagged ‘geeks



It’s recently come to my attention that I am, indeed, a snob.

Not that I think I’m better than anyone else … I don’t … but I realize that I do have my moments.

One came the other day, when the following conversation appeared on my Facebook feed:


Screw you and the Ewoks you brought with you in your Landspeeder.

Yes, a friend tries to join in my love of Star Wars, and what happens? I chastise her for liking Ewoks. I mean, just cause there is no redeeming value in Ewoks doesn’t mean it’s wrong to like them.

So, I feel as though I must repent, since it is the repenting season.

Behold the Raid Night video. I lived this. And scarily enough, it makes me want to raid in Warcraft again.

Yes, go ahead and laugh.

Assuming you even get it. Stupid normie.

I never learn, do I?


15 fictional characters that I’d totally do

My friend Jae did this survey a month or so ago, and it’s a great idea. Name 15 fictional characters that you’d sleep with. At first, I figured that I’d probably be able to do 10. But as I thought about it, I realized keeping it under 20 would probably be pretty difficult.

I know I’ll wish that I could make a change later on, but here’s my list so far, and in particular order.

15) T’pol, Star Trek Enterprise


I never really got into the show…just never on when I was home. But every time I did catch it, I was blown away by T’pol. While she may be logical and all that jazz, her bosom’s ability to defy gravity is not.

14) Alicia, “House of the Dead”

ona grauer

There is no reason to see “House of the Dead.” It was so horrid that I was about to get up and leave the theater, and then Alicia took her top off. OH … DEAR … LORD. I finished out the rest of the movie. She’s hawt. I’d have to bang her.

13) Vampire Girl, “Lifeforce”

mathilda may

Well, I couldn’t put her picture up from the movie, because she was basically walking around naked throughout it. She had a perfect figure, and even though I know she’d drain my lifeforce, I don’t think I’d be able to run if she came walking towards me.

12) Gothic Clarie, “LOST.”


Cause damn, I AM a sucker for gothy girls with light eyes. And no, blond Claire wouldn’t make the list. Only Gothic Claire.

11) Lara Croft, Tomb Raider


How could any red-blooded American guy not want to bang Lara Croft? She’s got like DD boobs and a 10-inch waist. Plus she’s got guns and can kick some ass. I love Lara Croft. And if you don’t, you’re a freakin’ commie.

10) She-Ra, “She-Ra, Princess of Power”


For no other reason than right when I’m about to orgasm, I can scream, “BY THE POWER OF GRAYSKULL, I HAVE THE POWER!” Yeah, I’m weird. I know. Besides, when she’s not She-Ra, then you can still bang her in her “normal” mode. It’s like a two-fer.

9) Seven of Nine, “Voyager”


Because if all Borg women looked like her after they got rescued from the collective, Federation women would be RUSHING to be assimilated, and most guys would be more than happy to try and rescue them, hoping they’d get a little somethin-somethin out of the deal.

8.) The Baroness, “GI Joe”

Let’s face it, we all know that the Baroness is a freak in bed. Hell, I bet she doesn’t even make Destro take his helmet off. Smart, evil, hot, German accent…you know she’s adding some kink into anything that you do. Rock on, Baroness. Rock on.

7) Starbuck, Battlestar Galactica


Technically, Starbuck isn’t my type. However, she seems like she’d be a lot of fun if she actually existed. She drinks a lot, blows the shit out of stuff, and is pretty easy to get into bed. That’s a winning combo in my book. Or maybe just the last bit is. Hmmm.

6) Jessica Rabbit; “Who Framed Roger Rabbit”


Because the only thing better than a bombshell is a parody of a bombshell.

5) Julie Newmar, “Batman”


Julie Newmar’s version of Catwoman in the original Batman series (with Adam West) was so incredibly hot…I don’t know if I could ever put it into words. BAM! POW! Hell yeah. Eartha Kitt had nothing on her. NOTHING.

4) Saffron, “Firefly”


She was just one of those characters that was soooo good at being bad. I wouldn’t have been able to hold out like Mal did. I’d be going to that “special place” in hell, and wouldn’t regret it one bit.

3) Kate, “LOST”

Not only does Kate have a fantastic body, but she has that All-American wholesome look going on. I’m a sucker for freckles. And then on top of that, she’s on the lam from the law, so she’s bound to keep things interesting.

2) Wonder Woman, “Wonder Woman”


She’s got her own jet, magic lasso, Amazonian domination and freakin’ hot as balls. Yup, she’s a keeper. And I bet she’d be a wonder in bed.

1) Slave Leia, “Return of the Jedi”


You know, “Lord of the Rings” had nothing…NOTHING…that can compare to Slave Leia. Well, unless you’re into weird sexual tension between male hobbits.

There are a few honorable mentions out there too…
1) Princess Ariel, “Thundarr the Barbarian”
2) The Swedish Bikini Team, because who doesn’t want a team of women for sex?
3) Vanssen, “Space: Above and Beyond”

It was hard to cut them from the list, but I had to.

So, feel free to play along. It’s tougher than it seems…and I know that some of you will pull out some classic characters.


Muggle for life

Now, I know this blog will offend some of my dear friends who are Harry Potter fans, but seriously, it’s all I’ve heard people talking about for the past week or so, and I’m sick of it. I was really willing to let it all slide, but after hearing people say, “I’m on page such-and-such”, “Oh, I’m on page such and such too!”, there needs to be some ranting.

I know it comes as a surprise to some of you that I’m not a Harry Potter fan. I mean, I’m a colossal geek when it comes to most sci-fi/fantasy stuff, but even my geekery has limits. And it ends with Harry Potter.

Or let me phrase this another way: I’m a huge Star Wars fan. Do I dress up like Boba Fett or a Stormtrooper and go to the movies dressed like that? No. I’m a Star Trek fan, but do I walk around with a communicator and a phaser set for stun? No. I play World of Warcraft. Do I go into work and bore the newsroom with tales of high geekery? No. I try and keep all WoW talk with coworkers that play to less than 5 minutes.

But you Potter fucks, Jesus God, you pine over him like he’s the second coming of God. “Oh, did you see on page 34 that Harry scratched his ass?” “Shut up, you spoiled it for me!”

And did you see the nerds in line to get that fucking fucktard book? Eveyone with fucked up glasses, dressed like British schoolchildren, carrying wands and shit? Holy dogballs! There’s a word for people like you: Ghey. And this isn’t mean to offend folks that are gay. No no, ghey as in “weakest, lamest bunch of uberdorks that every walked the planet.”

Those HP fans are weaker than the crowd that lined up for iPhones. Hell, at least they were trying to make a buck by selling them on eBay. But the HP fans, “Oh, I HAVE to know if Harry lives or dies!” Here’s a tip. They all die, cause I’m going to bust a cap into J.K. Rowlings ass for unleashing this unholy hell upon the rest of us.

Now, being a nerd, I should expect this kind of stuff and be used to it. And in truth, I am. But from what I saw in the first 2 movies (ok, I really only got to watch the first one because the ex decided she wanted to have sex during the second one), I just don’t get what the big deal is about it. And don’t you dare say, “Well, you can’t go by the movies, you have to read the book.” Fuck that. I wasted a couple of hours of my life watching the damn thing, and it was dull as fuck. You know what I really hate about it? The language. Words like Muggle, Dumbledor, Slitheran — it’s just doofus wording that makes me want to vomit.

And this may be just my observation, but are far more women Potter fans than men? And they fawn over him like psycho female teachers over teen boys. It’s disturbing, really. “I like my men with effeminate features who are underage and wield magic.” Uh-huh. Says a lot, doesn’t it?

And did you fools pay attention to the book itself? Y’all are exclaiming, “It’s like 700 pages!” Yeah, 700 pages with 20-point type, a coloring section in the middle and a pop-up section in chapter 7. “And here’s where Herminie pulls out a .45 and busts a cap into Harry’s cheatin’ ass. How does the gun go? Blam blam blam!”

Face it, Rowlings is just as tired of this shit as I am. She wants her check, and she’s clockin’ the fuck out.

So, to round out my mockery of Potter, as I sat stewing while being bombarded by the HP chat, I decided that I would put out some titles for the next book, should Rowlings every decide to follow it up:

Harry Potter and the Pedaphile from Alcatraz
Hogwart’s School of Bitches and Douchery
Harry Potter and Machine of Hype
J.K. Needs Some Plastic Surgery, So Buy The Damn Book, Bitches
Harry Potter and the Riddle of His Sexuality
That’s Not My Wand, Hermine
Hoewart’s School of Bitches and Pimpinry
Harry Potter Knows You Fucks Will Buy Anything.

There, I feel much better. Enjoy your day.


Slave Leia

In a myspace recent survey, I answered a question by saying Slave Leia is really hot. One of my friends reposted that survey, but left my answer and put in parenthesis (“Do men really think this way, or is this funning on ‘Friends’?”)

For men my age, there are really few hotter women than when Carrie Fisher was Slave Leia in “Return of the Jedi.” It was probably the timing…us in our teens, her in a metal bikini, lean body, chain around her neck…it was an adolescent dream come true. Combine that with the whole Star Wars universe…yeah, good stuff.

And even today, you could take an average girl, throw her in a Slave Leia outfit, and it would get my motor running. I mean, I know the whole Slave Leia fantasy thing was an episode on “Friends” (never saw it, can’t stand the show), but it is, for the most part, true.

So, I was doing a couple searches for Stormtroopers in photobucket–looking for a good pic to throw on someone’s comment field, kinda chuckling at all the nerds and what not. But then I came across a couple with Stormies and women dressed like Slave Leia.

And for the most part, they were really hot.

So, of course, I had to do a search for Slave Leia.

Here’s a couple for your enjoyment.

HOT. I never new that hot chicks really dug Star Wars, but here’s evidence pointing to the contrary:
And then there were a couple that were…well…tragic. Now ladies, if you’re every going to try and pull this off, it really requires you to have a realistic view of yourself, posture and a mirror. I mean, kudos for the effort, but still…your ass is getting fed to the rancors because, well, you ought not be seen in public dressed like that.
And there were some others that I didn’t know what to make of. For example:

The girl isn’t unattractive, however, the Slave Leia costume is made for women who are a little more on the curvey side. However, great Boba Fett costumes.

So, I hope this sheds a little more light on the Slave Leia fantasy. For the most part, though, you can never have enough Slaves Leia.

Except for the two in the lower right. I don’t know what that’s all about. Even Salacious Crumb is wigged out.


Just a little netiquette reminder!

When someone sends out a mass mail and needs a response, there is almost no reason to use “reply all.”

Now, “reply all” can be a useful tool when used properly, ie by anyone with an IQ higher than fungus.

Here’s an example:

Mike sends out a mail to me and Jeanann
Mike: Are you guys coming over for LOST? I’m thinking about having a cookout, too.
Me: Sure. Do you need me to bring anything?
Jeanann: I’ll be there. I’ll bring pasta salad.
Mike: Bring whatever you like. I have beer, and some burgers and dogs.
Me: Sweet, what time? I’ll bring some cole slaw or something.
Mike: 7pm.
Jeanann: See you guys there!

See, now everyone knows the time of the event, Jeanann and I won’t both bring pasta salad, life is good. It’s like a three-way call. We all get the facts all in one shot.

Now, the improper use of “reply all” often happens at work. For example, yesterday I opened my mail to find about 30 messages titled “RE: Need some help.” The original message was asking for who people thought was a great TV dad to be used as an example for Father’s Day. And instead of just using “Reply,” these tardlings had to use “Reply All.”

Dear God in Heaven, do I really need to know that you think that doofus from Little House of the Prarie was a great dad figure? I’m thinking no. Do I care if you read some other doofus’ “Reply All” message and argue why your choice is better? Oh, fuck no. Infact, when you do that, I’m thinking you take tard to a whole new level.

And what’s really irritating is that this happens all the time. So much so that some of my friends have to put “Do not ‘reply all'” in the first graph of their e-mail. It got so bad that I stopped checking my work e-mail and got yelled at. Nevermind that I pointed it out and said “It’s a colossal waste of my time to sit here and have to sift through all of this crap.” Nevermind that these people who read all the RE:s and argue via e-mail obviously don’t have enough to do (and there’s an evidence trail RIGHT THERE). It was my fault for not sifting through the spam while trying to do my job. Fucktards.

I really don’t know what inspires this kind or douchery, but please, knock it the fuck off. Learn some common courtesy. We all don’t think your attempts at witty quips are funny. Ninety percent of the time, a simple “Reply” will work. If more than the original sender NEEDS to know the information, then use “Reply all.” And hopefully it’s a small group getting the mail. But in a company-wide situation, I really can’t see the need to send EVERYONE your RE(tarded): spam unless it’s vitally important.

And if that’s too hard for you to figure out, unplug your fucking computer.

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