Posts Tagged ‘Obama


Teens, Obama and the spoken word

Before I start this blog entry out, let me state something for the record: I’m not an Obama fan. Nothing personal against the guy, but his policies don’t sit right with me. I mean, it’s nice not having a leader who looks like Alfred E. Neuman and is constantly tripping over his words — I just wish that that kind of poise could come from a smart, moderate Republican.

But don’t worry, I’m also not one of these “afraid of socialism” types who is crying all the time about this administration’s policies. I know we have plenty of socialist programs running rampant in this country already — however, I gotta admit, I’m not thrilled with the idea of adding more of them to our excessively flawed system.

However, the die-hard conservatives are making me laugh really, really hard as of late. I mean, no matter what Obama does, there is someone, somewhere, frothing at the mouth in fervent opposition to him, no matter how good the idea may be in the first place. And the attacking, the conviction, the pure frothy goodness of the ranting is almost magic. For example:



Obama: “I want to cure blind kids by letting puppies kiss them!”
Backlash: “Fuck you, Obama! How dare you force puppies to lick blind kids! First of all, you don’t know if these blind kids want to see what you’re doing to this country in the first damned place! But forcing the puppies to kiss them … this is just like when Hitler used dogs against their will to hunt down the Jews! Obama is Hitler! Obama hates puppies! Obama hates America! I want my America back!”

Throw down your torrents!

Log out of your IM! Quit playing Halo! Throw down your torrents, comrades!

So, this whole uproar about Obama’s education speech has really got me laughing.  These people seem to honestly think that Obama’s one, single, solitary speech to their children will be so powerful — so mind-altering persuasive — that it will permanently warp their kids into such little pinkos that they’ll throw out their iPods, Xboxes and cell phones because they can’t be tainted by capitalist temptations.

Really? Seriously?

Aren’t these basically the same kids that likely have heard of Obama, but don’t know why everyone is talking about him because they haven’t seen him sing on “American Idol” yet?

I mean, seriously, what could possibly interest teens more than their favorite shows, the high school drama of who is dating who, who broke up with who, who is sleeping with which teacher, what’s happening at band camp and trying to catch the eye of their crush-of-the-week? I mean, think back to when we were kids: what would happen during every assembly when someone came to talk to us about something? Did we pay attention? Oh, fuck no. I have notebook upon notebook filled with doodles to prove that I wasn’t paying attention — and you know, the longer the talking went, the more elaborate the drawing was likely to be.

You best not take away my hair-care products....

Do you have any idea of how long it took me to get my hair this way?

And kids today have so many more distractions than just their imaginations. Do you really think they’re gonna cast it all aside just because Obama addresses them? “My God! HDTV is the shackle of the capitalist! I’m a slave to material goods! I must turn my high definition TV into a plow and start tilling the land to help my brothers and sisters survive the riggers of the upcoming winter! We will all share our bounty, and we will all benefit from our hard labor! Nay, for the first time in recorded history, truly no one will be left behind! Oh glorious day!” Wait, aren’t these the same kids who can’t seem to be able to put their glass in the sink after downing some Coke unless they’re cracked out on Ritalin, and who spent a lot of time styling their hair to look like a character from Dragonball Z?

Abstinence works! Thanks mom!

Abstinence works! Thanks mom!

Besides, we can all see the effectiveness of  politicians when they talk to children. Take Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, who obviously took Sarah’s lectures on abstinence and no pre-marital sex to heart. Or maybe we can even include Dick Cheney’s daughter Mary, who obviously knew how important it was to be heterosexual. (Cause hey, that whole gay thing is a lifestyle choice, right?)

There’s a lot of things to hammer Obama on … the projected $9 trillion deficit. Huge bailouts to companies while the unemployment rate nears 10 percent. The whole health care thing. Letting that “Truther” into his administration (word to Obama: Dude, seriously, that’s repulsive).

But crowing on and on ad nauseum about how insidious his “speech to the kids” will be is stupid. He has no more of a chance of “brainwashing” America’s youth as I have of appearing on the cover of “Tiger Beat.”

Or let me phrase this another way: If the right-wing is gonna scream about everything he does, then pretty soon, the public will stop listening to anything they have to say.

And you know, that may not be a bad thing after all.


Bad paintings of Obama

He sees you when youre sleeping...

He sees you when you're sleeping...

Well, the status updates on Facebook have been very enlightening today. First was the “Syfy” story. Next was my good buddy Steele putting a link to a story about how Pakistan’s stability should now be the No. 1 U.S. priority. However, the little pic that ran with it had nothing to do with that particular story. In fact, it was a painting of Obama with a third eye.

I had to check it out, and haven’t stopped laughing.

Here’s the some of the favorites of the Telegraph (UK) staff.

The full site of bad Obama paintings is here.


With tacos and clean underwear for all Mexicans!

With tacos and clean underwear for all Mexicans!


UFOs and Obama

My buddies over at Babeled brought this one up: Apparently an alleged UFO was seen over the inauguration.

So, here’s my theories as to what this means:

1) The X-Files were right: Whatever the hell that whole convoluted plot was in the X-Files show (seriously, I never understood what that whole damn show was about), it’s coming to fruition, and it’s happening NOW. The makers of the show knew it, and were trying to warn us — but obviously we were too arrogant to listen! Oh the doom! The horror! It’s like the plot of every third sci-fi movie come to life!

2) Aliens rigged the election: This makes sense in more ways than I could initially believe. I mean, obviously McCain and Palin were captured and cloned — but the clone jobs were intentionally badly done, which accounts for McCain’s wandering around during the debate and Palin knowing nothing about anything. Joe the Plumber was obviously the controlling agent. Gaffe after gaffe after gaffe. It all makes sense now — alien plot!  (And if I were in the GOP, I’d push this theory — because the truth that they were the best 2 candidates they could muster is far more damaging.)

3) Aliens Love Democrats: And we all know why — Democrats are less likely to have the balls to enter into a protracted war when the invasion comes. So forget stocking up for the impending Zombiecaust — lock ‘n load and brace for the alien invasion! But be sure to hold your fire — let the tree huggers race to embrace them as our brothers, so they can be caught in the cross fire. Two birds, one stone. That’s all I’m sayin’. (And I’m predicting that Western PA will be the first to go all “Red Dawn” on their asses, and have the highest alien kill ratio of any region in the U.S. You read it here FIRST!)

4) Muffin delivery system: Obama and crew have perfected the delivery system for warm, whole-wheat muffin delivery, and put it on display for the world to see. However, they still lack the Care Bears needed to bring the plan to fruition. That will have to come later, when he takes the shackles off of the scientific community — morality be damned, we need Care Bears and muffins, and we need them now!

5) Broken bowflex: Someone was obviously taking their Bowflex (with power-rod technology!) to the limit, and it failed. One of the power rods had such a tremendous amount of stored energy that it flew out the window and past the camera with so much speed that it was just a mere blur.

6) Dude, relax! It’s just a skyfish:


Obama-Llama Shenanigans

OK, I’ve been trying to stay away from political commentary, but I really need to get this off my chest: Barack, I hate to say it buddy, but I’m completely sick of the media coverage on you already. I mean, there is such a thing as overkill, but we are way, way, way beyond that point. Not only is the horse dead and beaten, but the media flew over top of said horse and dropped a daisy-cutter on it.

Can you believe they bought it?

"Can you believe they bought it?"

Admittedly, I’m not a fan of our President-elect — not because I think he’s a bad guy, but more because the last guy who we put in power with no real experience lasted for 8 years. Eight long, painful, baffling years. And his opponent wasn’t exactly on the top of my list either. In fact, I think this election proves that the “alleged” Shadow Government not only exists, but they are bored and poking the public and seeing exactly what they can get away with. Seriously, if the “X-Files” really existed, all Mulder would have to do to prove his point to Scully would be to just point at our choices and say, “Riddle me this: If there is no shadow government, how did ANY of these clowns make it this far?”

But the election was what it was, and we have our President-elect.

Now, Obama-mania is runnin’ wild, brother!

Every 3 minutes on Yahoo! News, it’s another story about Obama. About the family’s choice of dog because of allergies. About “Hannah Montana” wanting to have the Obama daughters on the show. I mean, really? Seriously? Do I have to hear this stuff? What’s next — Obama will take a month out of setting up his cabinet to star in “High School Musical 4”?

I understand his popularity. I understand his election is historic and unprecedented in U.S. history. I get it. I watch and read because of it. I’m curious. And it’s hysterical watching the world stumble around him, mainly because he is black. Seriously — the only thing better than having a leader with public speaking skills again is having one that unhinges other world leaders because of his ethnicity. The next 4 years are going to be entertaining, to say the least.

But even with this in mind, I don’t need a news flash because he scratched his ass after a long day of work. I don’t need to know what kind of drapes Michelle wants in the White House. I don’t care about his dog choice, and what the experts are saying about it, or what his kids are doing. The day-to-day affairs of the Obama family aren’t my concern — that’s their personal life — and as a general rule, I stay out of other folks’ personal lives.

So let’s step back a little, media gurus. Let the man breathe. Let the public’s urge to know more be drawn out a little longer. After all, we will have 4 years to get to know the man — for better or worse.

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