Posts Tagged ‘religion


'Scuse the stupidity

So, I was informed on my last blog by my good buddy Sly Reference that the thing I was ranting about — the In God We Trust motto being eliminated from the George Washington dollar coin — is, in fact, FALSE.

Apparently, it’s just been moved to the side.

Here we go...

Rest easy, o' religious folks. God still likes your shekels. (Pic from the good folks at

Well, color me stupid.

I mean, in hindsight, it seems so incredibly stupid — why did I get suckered in by a mass e-mail chock full of waving flag and bear graphics? Ack, can’t win them all, I guess.

But hey, at least it wasn’t that tracking e-mail hoax that’s been going around since like 1994. I actually got that one like last month at work. I thought undiscovered tribes in the Amazon knew about that one, but apparently not.

So, uh, forgive the stupidity on my behalf. Why I didn’t bother to Snope it out on my own is beyond me. I’m slipping.

And in the immortal words of Gilda Radner …


Separation of church and currency

The other day, I got an e-mail from a cousin of mine who is a little on the right of the political spectrum. Now, technically, I am there too, but I was on the way out with G.W./Satan ticket, and finally left after McCain/You Betcha. But, I still get mails from my concerned GOPers, who I assume are trying to woo me back.

This latest attempt has done nothing to dislodge me from my new-found conservative liberatarian stance.

In the subject line, it read: FW: Refuse new $ coin at the Post office or whoever gives them to you.

I guess the hoopla is over this coin: The new George Washington Dollar, because it does not have the words “In God We Trust” inscribed on it anywhere.

Non-god approved.

Non-god approved.

And the text of the mail was simply inspiring, with its wondrous use of all-American colors and American flag graphics:


 This simple action will make a strong  statement.    

Please help do this….refuse to accept these when they are handed to you.  I received one from the Post Office as change and I asked for a dollar bill instead. The lady just smiled and said ‘way to go’ so she had read this e-mail. Please help out…our world is in enough trouble without this too!!!!!

You guessed it

IS  GONE!!!  
If ever  there was a reason to boycott something, THIS IS IT!!!!  


Together we can force them out of circulation.


Now, I’m all about freedom of religion and freedom of speech. And personally, I don’t care who you worship, or if you worship at all — as long as you aren’t shacked up in a compound marrying and/or murdering (oh wait, “sacrificing”) children, hey, knock yourself out. For me, religion is like guns: when used responsibly, it can be a wonderful thing — it’s a tool that can provide and protect. But put it in the hands of bad or uneducated people, and well, expect all kinds of nonsense to occur.

But this? This is nothing to be “outraged” about. I completely don’t get the “If there was ever a reason to boycott something, THIS IS IT!!!” line. Does this mean forced labor in China is OK? That child labor in other countries is also OK? No need to boycott Wal-Mart then! But take God off the currency, and then it’s all “Break out the torches and pitchforks Ma, and let’s head on down to the White House!”

I am equally baffled about the “our world is in enough trouble with this too!!!!” line. Wait, if the motto on the currency worked as a remedy to evil, then how did we reached this point in the first place? I mean, U.S. currency is a standard around the world — so if that that little motto is so powerful, shouldn’t it have made the world safe and rainbow filled by now, with care bears dancing with puppies and unicorns in clover-filled fields? I mean, the little motto didn’t stop the housing crisis. Did nothing to stem the greed on Wall Street. And even “esteemed” religious leaders didn’t take the motto to heart: Remember Oral Roberts, with his “give me X amount of dollars, or God will take me home” line? Yeah. Motto didn’t do squat there. Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker and the PTL Club? Nope. Scandal, greed, etc. Those 4 little words seem to make no impact whatsoever.

Now, all sarcasm aside, I know that some of these folks are concerned that this is an attack on their faith; as the government chipping away at their religious freedoms. Let me assure you, it’s not. Now, maybe it is a little distancing of government and religion — but distancing isn’t the same as “going after” or “taking away.” And in this particular case, a little distance is a good thing. Do I really want God’s name put on something that has been essentially called “the root of all evil” in the Bible? (I put a link to an interesting little discussion on the topic.)

I don’t know. It seems to me that when it comes to money, the only thing people seem to care about is the amount of it, and what they can get in exchange for it. What’s on it makes seems to make no difference whatsoever.


'Mofo, you ain't bein' saved.'

The title of this blog made me laugh really hard when I initially read it — mainly because my friend Drey typed it out at me the other day.

You see, I mentioned on Facebook that I go sober in January and February. I started about 5 years ago upon hearing bad news after bad news, and realized after I went out for New Year’s Eve that I was a powder keg just waiting to explode. So, I quit cold-turkey and spent like 2.5 hours in the gym every day, just working out my anger and sadness — until I got to a place where I didn’t feel like tearing people’s faces off anymore. And I found that it was a great break — I mean, from September on through to January, it seems everywhere I go, someone’s putting a beer in my hand. Football, Oktoberfest, Highland Games, Irishfest, Homecoming, the holidays, just celebrating fall (my favorite time of the year), the various great fall/winter ales — honestly, after all of that, I found that the couple month break just feels good. So, it became a habit.

But Drey, Drey thought that (somehow) I found religion, which is why she said, “Mofo, you ain’t being saved.” So, while being hysterically funny to me, it was also absolutely true.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate religion — I just know it’s not for me. In my thinking, there are 3 kinds of people in this world:

1) The intuitive person: This individual is able to take a VCR, toss the manual aside (because it’s confusing), and get things to work on his own because he realizes that this isn’t all that hard to figure out.

2) The manual reader: This person reads the VCR manual, follows the instructions, and gets things to work. He keeps the manual around for reference, and reads over it periodically, especially after power failures.

3) The manual reciter: This person can quote the manual backwards and forwards, but the clock on the VCR still blinks “12:00.”

And out of those choices, I’m a one.

So, with that in mind, religion and I have a mutual understanding — we keep out of each other’s hair. When we do reach points where we intersect, we try and keep things respectful. They don’t try and convert me, I don’t throw out my “Jesus on a stick! Get your red hot Jesus on a stick!” line when the altar boys carry the crucifix down the middle of the aisle. And that’s that. In fact, the last time I was in a church for a friend’s wedding, my friend Ang remarked, “Oh my! You’re in a church … and it doesn’t end it ‘Brew Works’.”

The only church youll see me worship in.

The only church you'll see me worship in.

So, I reassured Drey that I was still a heathen, and she was happy.

But then the reason for the absolute truth behind what Drey said popped up today. I was checking out the obits at work, and realized that one of my great-uncles had died.

Now, Uncle Em was like in his late 80s, and was married to an aunt who is a blood relative. For whatever reason, my great-aunts seemed to have  married men who were mostly duds, and he could easily be counted as one of them. Not so much an uncle as someone who just tagged along and fathered a couple cousins. In my life (and I spent a lot of time chatting with my aunt, who lived like 6 houses away), I think I’ve heard him say 5 sentences. Other than that, it was always, “Huh?” One of those “can’t hear but won’t get a hearing aid” kind of people.

When I realized that it was him, here’s what I said:

“Oh shit! My uncle Em died!”
*quick reflection*
“Oh well, no big loss.”
*quick realization*
“Fuck, I have to go to a funeral now.”

Super Mario, tears in her eyes from laughter, managed to squeek out a “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

Yeah Drey, you’re right — “Mofo, you ain’t bein’ saved.”

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