Posts Tagged ‘UFOs

25
Jan
09

UFOs and Obama

My buddies over at Babeled brought this one up: Apparently an alleged UFO was seen over the inauguration.

So, here’s my theories as to what this means:

1) The X-Files were right: Whatever the hell that whole convoluted plot was in the X-Files show (seriously, I never understood what that whole damn show was about), it’s coming to fruition, and it’s happening NOW. The makers of the show knew it, and were trying to warn us — but obviously we were too arrogant to listen! Oh the doom! The horror! It’s like the plot of every third sci-fi movie come to life!

2) Aliens rigged the election: This makes sense in more ways than I could initially believe. I mean, obviously McCain and Palin were captured and cloned — but the clone jobs were intentionally badly done, which accounts for McCain’s wandering around during the debate and Palin knowing nothing about anything. Joe the Plumber was obviously the controlling agent. Gaffe after gaffe after gaffe. It all makes sense now — alien plot!  (And if I were in the GOP, I’d push this theory — because the truth that they were the best 2 candidates they could muster is far more damaging.)

3) Aliens Love Democrats: And we all know why — Democrats are less likely to have the balls to enter into a protracted war when the invasion comes. So forget stocking up for the impending Zombiecaust — lock ‘n load and brace for the alien invasion! But be sure to hold your fire — let the tree huggers race to embrace them as our brothers, so they can be caught in the cross fire. Two birds, one stone. That’s all I’m sayin’. (And I’m predicting that Western PA will be the first to go all “Red Dawn” on their asses, and have the highest alien kill ratio of any region in the U.S. You read it here FIRST!)

4) Muffin delivery system: Obama and crew have perfected the delivery system for warm, whole-wheat muffin delivery, and put it on display for the world to see. However, they still lack the Care Bears needed to bring the plan to fruition. That will have to come later, when he takes the shackles off of the scientific community — morality be damned, we need Care Bears and muffins, and we need them now!

5) Broken bowflex: Someone was obviously taking their Bowflex (with power-rod technology!) to the limit, and it failed. One of the power rods had such a tremendous amount of stored energy that it flew out the window and past the camera with so much speed that it was just a mere blur.

6) Dude, relax! It’s just a skyfish:

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22
Nov
08

Dis n'at

Been a trying couple of days, due to getting the plague and waiting for the impending snow doom to arrive — which, of course, in my neighborhood, never did.

So as I sit here having an evening beer and food, here’s some random thoughts that I’ve had over the past few days:

UFOs: Now, History Channel, for whatever reason, loves their UFOs — and I love to watch its shows on them. Being a geek, there’s always a part of me that always hopes that the stories are true … but then the pragmatic side kicks in and it’s like “Yeah…” However, they had an interesting one called “The Gray’s Agenda.” In it were people who claimed they were abducted by the Gray Aliens (you know, tall, big bug eyes and grey in color). And Apparently, there are two sides of these folks — ones that think the Grays are a menace and intend to do harm, while the other camp thinks that they’re here to help us destroying ourselves.

And really, after hearing that, the only thing I could think of was two aliens battling it out in a pro-wrestling matching for the soul of humanity. The ineffective blows. The slow dives from the top ropes. One of them had to have a finishing move called “The Probe.” And you know, somehow it all just fits, and I can’t explain why.

Mars: There was another show on WQED about what it would take to terraform Mars. And the interesting thing about it was it talked about, if it happened, what would happen to man in an evolutionary sense. For example, tests in zero gravity show dramatic changes in the heart in a few months, so what would happen in 10 generations of humans living on Mars? Weaker physically, but bigger brains? Would the continuous “hopping” in the lower gravity affect the legs? I really wish they would have explored that end a little deeper, because that was some cool stuff right there — colonizing other worlds could create basically human cousins, and that’s some pretty funktastic stuff right there.

Console games: So, on a friend’s advice, I went and bought Fallout 3 for the PS3. I’m just starting to get into it, but one thing I absolutely do know — I suck at shooter style games on a console system. I’m fine on a keyboard, but I can never get the hang of those controllers — and to be honest, I think I gave up on consoles after games like Street Fighter II came out, where you had to do all kinds of funky combos in order to get the killer moves.

Of course, I’m sure things would go better if I bothered to read Fallout 3’s instruction manual, but you know, where’s the fun in that? I mean, I discover new stuff all the time — and it was funny as hell when I targeted this guard’s torso, and shot — only to discover that I had my BB gun equipped…

Getting wood: I have a wood burner that I use to heat my house — mainly because my house is a drafty barn, and it’s just cheaper and more effective than to use my 70s era furnace. But this year, I got some good wood. (Go ahead, keep tee-heeing, you pervs), and the house has been much toastier than normal. This year, I got plenty of oak in the stacks that I bought, which burns longer and hotter than your average wood (shut it). So, I’m very pleased this year. I still wake up going “Oh shit! I gotta throw wood in the burner” — but there’s always hot coals and it always fires up right away. And I can sleep in a t-shirt and sweatpants and I’m absolutely fine. That’s awesome. I need to get wood like that every year.

The Warriors: Apparently my friends are banning me from this movie. I keep watching it because it’s so bad that its incredibly entertaining to watch, but they’re tired of me quoting it. So, apparently if I keep it up, I’M GONNA GET JAPPED!

Ok ok, that’s enough. Time for sleep.




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