Posts Tagged ‘Boobs


Hmmm, interesting

So, last night I came across two pictures that made me laugh. The first was a weather drawing. Now, in our publication, we ask for children to mail in pictures of weather related stuff and we insert them when it corresponds to the weather outside.  Yesterday’s winner?

I can only imagine that when the Snowpocalypse comes, it will look like this. And by the way, the kid who did this is a GENIUS.

Now, technically, the second picture isn’t all that incredibly interesting, except for the conversation it generated on my Facebook page … except I didn’t actually post it.  It started innocently enough, with a status update …

Now ladies, if you ever doubted the power of your boobs, watch as this one little comment spirals adults into adolescents ….

Notice I’m trying to deflect a little … because this is just starting to get a bit out of control. And then the comments basically start turning to demands…

Now, there’s no way this poor girl’s boobs are going to live up to the anticipation that has been built up. But, in order to end the pestering, I’m going to post the picture, as it was taken by the photographer.

There. Are you happy now?


It's 1 p.m. Ladies, do you know where your boobs are?

So, after a couple of recent incidents, I’m beginning to wonder how boob-conscious women are. Not in the “I’m wearing a low-cut shirt and men are pigs for looking”–but more in the “Where are things in relation to my boobs” kind of way.

Now, at first this seems like a pretty stupid question. Most women, I’m sure, would say, “Pffft. Well, do you know where things are in relation to your penis?” Absolutely. Though technically, a shot to the penis itself doesn’t hurt. It’s the shot to the testicles that do. If there’s a bad shooter playing pool, trust me, I have one eye on them at all times. The boys are not deserving of such treatment.

I mention this because I was thinking back to an incident the other day. I was working on a section, and a woman who handles the news briefs came out and was looking at a page that was sitting on my desk that I had my hand on. Now, she’s a short (like 4’10”), older woman–and she leans over to look at the page, putting her boob directly on my hand.

Now, if this situation were a porno and she was the hot young busty type, you could cue the “boom-chika-bwa-bwaah” music. I could flip my hand over, give her a squeeze and say, “Yeah baby, I know what you like.”

But it’s not. It’s an older woman placing her boob on the top of my hand. What’s a guy to do? I mean, I’m completely creeped out, and the longer it stays, the longer I’m creeped out. But if I move it, then Lord only knows what she’s thinking. I either give her a cheap thrill or I embarass her because she didn’t know where her boobs were at.

And this is not the only time this has happened. I could probably count half a dozen times, by different women at different companies over the years, that something like this has happened. All sober. All at work.

So ladies, it’s now 1pm. Do you know where your boobs are?


Boobs for Bachelors campaign!

Hi. My name is Three. And I’m a bachelor.

Did you know that every day around the world, millions of bachelors go to bed at night without seeing a woman’s boobs? It’s true. And every night, some slip further and further into the realm of despair, where they feel that they may never see boobs again. Think about that. How many bachelors do you know? How many of them are slowly becoming hermits?

Some of you may glibbly point to the computer and say, “Well, there’s plenty of boobs there! The Internet is full of them!” True. But as a bachelor, I can tell you that pictures of gianormous, silicon-injected boobs do not fill the void in the bachelor’s soul. They want to see real boobs. Boobs of women that they actually know, can meet, talk to or simply grope.

And that’s where you can help.

You see, Fat Tuesday is rapidly coming upon us. As many of you know, this is a time where most women will get fabulously drunk and flash their boobs in exchange for cheap, plastic beads. Well, this year, the Boobs for Bachelor campaign is asking you women who would never normally do this to jump into the mix, and free the Springfield Two. By exposing your boobs to the bachelors, you will help those that are slowly become hermits to start talking to women, and maybe even become productive members of society again. Your girls will be giving the gift of hope, and what a gift it is!

Unlike other charity groups that ask you for 29-cents a day for needy, plague-carrying, unproductive and uneducated children that have never done anything for anyone, we simply ask you to give of your time by flashing during this unofficial holiday season. Find your favorite Bachelor. Flash him. Make him smile. Give him hope.

For those of you who are of a more generous nature, the Boobs for Bachelors campaign needs your help in bringing shut-ins out of the house. Here’s how it works: We start the communication process by sending you a picture of your shut in, and tell you why he has become a hermit. We’ll send him a picture of your boobs. He will, most likely, scrawl crudely worded letters to you, and possibly crudely drawn pictures of him and your boobs. Then, after a few more pictures of your boobs and faux promises of meeting you, he’s out of his house like Punxatawny Phil out of his lair on groundhog day! It’s just that simple! And don’t worry–if he does somehow find out who you are, you’re likely to get free tech support for the rest of your life!

So whether you choose to simply flash a bachelor or adopt a shut in, the BfB campaign needs your help.

Please, think of the bachelors.

Follow me, Twittering fools!


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